I want to be a writer


I feel like writing what is going on around me right at the moment. Sometimes I wish I have a recorder in my brain. Sometimes I lie in my bed before sleeping and think what I would write, sometimes I go for a walk and write in my mind, I imagine like I am telling someone. Telling how this place is nice, how the fall outside is romantic and that I just love my life.

I follow blogs of for me inspiring people and I wish I can inspire someone as well. I think sometimes. I used to have many excuses why not to write and just stay with dreaming and talking about it. One of them was waiting when I have some little light laptop, so I can go to café to write. Well, now I have it, so here I am.

Now I am sitting in the very little café and it became quite busy, so it´s little hard for me to focus on something else than people around. I think it became a real boom with these cozy cafés in Prague recently. And sitting there with a laptop, I am definitely not the only one. I love these cafés. It´s not a typical Czech thing though. So far it´s very popular in Prague but I am not sure about little towns in countryside. There is definitely nothing like this in my hometown. There is one pizzeria and many of those smelly pubs. I don´t even know if English has the equivalent for this kind of Czech “hospoda”.

I remember when I went to Italy two years ago. I was visiting my friend in little town Vigevano close to Milan. It was this typical Italian place with old houses, little streets and so many amazing cafés. That time a really realised the difference between Czech and Italians. We drink beer and they drink coffee.

I thought that this came just because I am getting older, but I love these cafés. I like beer too but for example going for a date with Czech guy? Beer. Well ok. I haven´t gone for a date with Czech guy for years, so maybe these days it might be different? Maybe younger guys in Prague are different now? I always used to think that Czech guy would never go for a coffee with me. He would only go for a beer. But yeh I admit, maybe it´s depended on my choice and I just used to choose wrong. I just realised the paradox now. At the end I choose my boyfriend who doesn´t drink alcohol, but he doesn´t drink a coffee either. Damn it. But he goes to cafés with me. He likes nice places and you don´t have to drink a coffee in café only. For example, now I am drinking wine. Alcohol again. But that´s more Italian than Czech right? I taught my boyfriend to drink wine so I am sure he would have one with me if he was here.

It´s such a paradox anyway with all these things. It has been 13 years since I first started dating. 13 years! Actually exactly, I met my first boyfriend in first year of high school around October or November. That time I had such a different imagination of what relationship means to me. But of course this happens with everyone. Almost. There are some people who marry their first love, but unfortunately there is not so many of them. Unfortunately? Maybe luckily. At least luckily for me. I can´t imagine now that I would be married to my first boyfriend! We were so different. Ok I was also different than I am now.

I believe that we all adjust to people around us. That´s why it´s very important to surround ourselves by right people. After my second break up I spent many years alone. And I really want to believe that this was the time when I got to know myself. It was a long journey and I really didn´t want to be with anyone for so long. I learnt to be just with myself so hardly that I didn´t want anyone to get into my space. I spent five years meeting different people and trying different things to learn what I really want. Now I am sure what my lifestyle is and at the end I found someone who is the same as me so we can build our life together. I wish everyone is this sure.

Well, I am realist and I know that many things can happen. I have already been in love, believing in the future with that guy and he just kicked my ass just like that. It took me some time but after that I started believing in love again. But believing in love means that I believe in right person to love and unfortunately not everyone thinks like that. A lot of people I know are with someone just not to be alone. When I was alone for longer time, one of my friends told me that I have too high expectations and I will never meet anyone I want. I told her I would rather stay single than with anyone else than my one and I kept waiting when my prince will come. And he came. He found me when I was lost in mountains. I whistled and he heard me. It was like a dream. I never met anyone who would behave like he does with me. He just deserves all love I have.

I didn´t give up my expectations and waited for the right one and I am really happy I did so. We should all do this with everything in our life. We should be trying and just do things we like. That´s what life is about. Life is too short, we all know that, we all can hear all these motivations around us but who really lives like that? I know many people who do, but I also know many people who don´t and I don´t want to be one of them. I feel I am getting into some certain age when I shouldn’t be wasting my time. I want to live. I want to do things I like, I want to travel and I want to spend time with my boyfriend. And recently I want to write about all that.

Why wouldn´t I? Even if nobody reads that, why would I keep it inside? Just writing and imagining someone reading it is enjoyable for me and if I don´t do that then I could be just thinking how it would be if… We all use internet, we all read all those motivational quotes, we all know them, but why there is still so many people with dreams which they never fulfill? How would it be if every person in the world would start living their dreams right now? Why there is so many people who don´t live their dreams? So many people just live according to expectations of the world, but who set these rules? Who say you are supposed to study, you are supposed to have a good job (which job is good?), marry someone, buy the house, have kids. I also want to have a family, but I want to do it my way, I don´t want anyone to tell me if this guy is good for me or if I am good for him. We must know ourselves what to do with our lives. I want to do die knowing I enjoyed my life.

I had to experience many different things, travel different places, so I could find myself. But then especially during my travels I met a lot of people, who used to tell me, that they admire my courage to go towards my dreams. And so I decided to stop keeping my story in a drawer and use it to inspire all these people to show them that they can do anything they want.
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