My heart is broken. I came here to Spain hoping to heal it.
My life has been going wrong direction for few months now and it´s time to stop, reflect and think about the future maybe. Or maybe just the present would be enough. I am often so concerned about the future that I forget to feel the present. And that´s what exactly what happened.
There must be a very few people in the world who haven´t experienced a relationship break-up.
For me it´s one of the most painfull experiences in my life.
We meet a person, fall in love, we are happy. We feel happy together, we start picturing our common future. And then there is something that changes with time. Something that breaks our love. How can this happen?
I met someone, who changed my life in so many ways. I met a young man, who fell in love with me so deeply, that he would do anything for me. He was a real fairy tale prince. He was so kind, so understanding, so fun.
First day we met we would finish each others sentences. We talked the whole day, whole night and again the whole day. Our hug was so strong, our first kiss in a moonlight… If I wrote a story I wouldn´t make it more perfect.
We loved each other despite all circumstances not allowing us to be together. We lived on different continents for two years. But we were happy. We had each other. Our love was greater than the distance between us. We fought against everything untill we made it.
We started living together. We started a regular life we so badly wanted. But it turned out, that our love wasn´t made for this. We put it in the box and it didn´t survive.
Our love was magical. It was created in mountains of Himalayas. On the peak of the world. Our love was meant to roam around the world and breathe. We put it at one small place and it didn´t survive that environment.
So here I am in Spain, giving myself time and space to process it all to understand. I have bad dreams every night. Very strong real dreams, which stay with me for rest of the day.
The same thing happened to me few years ago in India. As long as I traveled it was fun. Then I stayed for few weeks at one calm place to give myself a break. What happened was that I started having bad dreams about the situation back home, I was roaming around in bad mood until I finally figured things out and I got a piece in my mind.
So I already know that what is happening to me at the moment is normal and it´s important to experience it. But of course it also scares me. I know I have some painful days in front of me and sometimes it would just be easier to ignore it all.
That´s what happens to me back home in my regular city life full of work. I barely get time to deal with emotions and that I see as a reason for all this.
When we met we were two free people in mountains and we didn´t survive the city. So that´s why I am giving myself few weeks off to look back and think.
It´s very important for me to know that I am not just surviving. I want to be sure I am living a happy life, spending my time by doing things I love.
I guess time here won´t be enough to solve all of my problems, but I believe it will be a good start.
And I would suggest this experience to everyone. I hear so often from people, that they would either be scared to travel alone, they would get bored or sad. Well I experience all this as well. But it´s part of the way to get back to yourself if you have lost it.