In past few days I feel like knowing how to do nothing would save my life. I came here to Spain to rest, think about my life and eventually make some plan for my potential future back home.
This sounds very simple, but it contains a lot of activities I want to do. Of course I didn´t come so far to just close myself in a room. I want to explore this country, I want to share my time with my dog, I want to do treks in mountains same as I want to sit on the terrace and read a book (I took many of them here and haven´t started with any). I also have many new ideas regarding my writing, I started working on new eBook and another ones I have in my head.
And last but not least I really need to make a plan regarding my job and living in Prague as I am afraid that what I left there won´t be waiting for me anymore.
And this is a lot of things considering that I didn´t mention learning Spanish or learning lying down in the afternoon and having actual siesta as Ignác is having every day. I tried this few times and I always got up after few minutes and started doing something “more useful”.
Till now we always stayed at the place, where was something to do. Either we traveled Barcelona with my mum, or we stayed at an English man´s house, where we would spend a lot of time outside at the garden, walking in the river or talking, then we went to Sierra Nevada and did treks. Now we finally arrived at the place, where we were supposed to rest and also do things which would be harder before. Like sitting and writing.
I don’t know if I overdosed myself with a coffee yesterday, but when I walked with Ignác early evening, my hands were shaking and wasn´t sure for how long my legs will work. Then I couldn´t sleep at night and I was thinking about all this. My thoughts kept jumping from place to place, nothing concrete actually.
I started blaming myself that I want to do too many things that I don´t even enjoy sitting and feeling Spain. Then I started thinking for a while how it would be if I was here without Ignác. I have to adjust my program to him a lot.
After the breakfast we always have to make a trip as it´s his active time. If I want to sit and do something on my own in the morning he won´t let me. He would start running around, chewing things, just to get my attention. So I already discovered this strategy, when he has energy, make him tired again so you can do your stuff. But often it happens I make tired myself as well.
But I tell you one thing. I travelled alone as well before. And I sure had much more space for my actual thoughts (right now I am writing these lines with glass of wine and cheese next to me = dog under me waiting for cheese to fall down). But traveling with him has it´s own great moments as well.
Just last night was a perfect example. I couldn´t sleep so because of my moves and strategies to fall asleep I woke him up three times. And you know what? He will never be mad and telling me: “Oh girl, how much tired I will be because of you in the morning.” He will get up and join me in front of the fridge! And we will have some cheese together.
All this caused me a bad mood in the morning. I woke up really tired, it was quite late and I could not decide what to do today. So should I write, should I read… OMG again? Yes and again there is dog who needs his time out. So I took a car and drew for half an hour to a national park. High mountains, nature, silence, no one around.
Do I think I wasted the time? No I don´t. Would I do this without a dog? No I wouldn´t. I would probably stay in the room thinking what to do till now.
Maybe this is how we grew up. I don´t really know. But this is my goal for now. Learn to chill! I want to learn to live from one day to another. Not further. I want to do what I feel like and not to worry what else I could be doing. But this is damn hard for me!
Is there any way to learn this?